When Men Aren’t Supportive of Fertility Treatment: Understanding the Causes and Solutions

In Japan, fertility treatments and efforts are often seen as “the woman’s responsibility,” leaving many women feeling isolated in the process. Yet, since male factors account for half of infertility cases, the involvement of both partners is crucial. This article explores reasons why male partners may appear uncooperative in fertility treatments and suggests effective strategies to encourage mutual support.

Why Men Might Seem Uncooperative in Fertility Treatments

Here are some common reasons why men may be reluctant or unengaged in fertility efforts.

• Infertility Is Seen as “Women’s Responsibility”

Historically, infertility has been perceived as a “female issue.” Consequently, many men see infertility treatments as something solely for women, feeling it doesn’t concern them personally. Since semen is visible, men often assume that being able to ejaculate means they are fertile. However, even when semen is present, it doesn’t necessarily mean that sperm quality is optimal.

• Pride May Get in the Way

Just as women experience emotional challenges with infertility, men can feel deeply affected when faced with potential fertility issues. Some may avoid testing altogether to avoid the disappointment of finding out they have a fertility issue. Limited awareness of male infertility can also lead to denial, with men assuming “there’s no way it’s me.”

• Hesitance to Embrace Parenthood

Women often begin feeling prepared for parenthood as soon as they conceive, while men may experience this awareness later. Some men accustomed to their independent lifestyles may also feel hesitant about having children. This can result in them seeming evasive or saying things like, “Let’s leave it to nature.”

Suggested Actions by Flora to Encourage Male Support

While it’s challenging for women to handle fertility alone, there are ways to foster a cooperative approach with their partner. Here are Flora’s recommended strategies for encouraging male engagement in fertility efforts.

• Discuss Your Feelings About Parenthood Together

Fertility efforts require aligning each partner’s goals and expectations. Discuss why each of you wants or doesn’t want children and why fertility efforts are important. Some men may lack a strong motivation for wanting children or may assume that their wife’s efforts alone will suffice. It’s crucial to encourage a sense of shared responsibility. If other family members are invested, it may also help to involve both sides’ parents in a broader conversation.

• Normalize Male Fertility Issues

Since infertility can affect male pride, remind him that male infertility is common, with half of infertility cases attributed to male factors. Explain that many clinics now offer male physicians specializing in male infertility and highlight that it’s nothing to be embarrassed about. This awareness alone can help some men become more receptive to treatment.

• Avoid Mentioning Infertility and Ovulation When Initiating Sex

While intercourse is necessary for conception, it’s also a vital expression of intimacy. When sex becomes focused solely on conception, it can feel transactional and lead to resentment or avoidance. During fertility efforts, avoid stressing fertility timing and instead try saying, “I want to be close to you.” Shifting focus from reproduction to love and intimacy can relieve some of the pressure that can come with fertility efforts.

• Schedule a Clinic Appointment

Many men are more open to receiving information directly from medical professionals. Today, many clinics welcome couples for consultations. Try inviting him to your appointment, asking him to join “for your own support,” to facilitate hearing information together and make the treatment process feel more collaborative.

Real Voices From Men

Below are reflections from a man who found out he was the cause of his and his partner’s fertility challenges.

“I went through fertility treatment with my wife. In our first test, I discovered that my sperm count and motility were low, realizing that I was the cause of our infertility. At first, I felt overwhelmed with shock and disappointment, but we decided to face it together. With the support of a specialist, I joined in every treatment decision and focused on improving my health. I adopted a healthier lifestyle, including a balanced diet, exercise, and stress management. This experience strengthened our bond, and I’m now interested in supporting other couples, considering becoming involved in the infertility community.”

Fertility Efforts Require Teamwork

Fertility treatment works best when both partners participate equally. Take the time to communicate and understand why your partner might feel hesitant. It’s essential not to rush the process but rather to encourage open conversations. Taking things slow and steady will help foster shared commitment and resilience.